Anxiety
Understanding Anxiety
Anxiety is your body’s natural response to stress or perceived threats. Your brain is an incredible processor, sifting through countless bits of information like a high-tech defense system, quickly detecting potential risks. Its goal is to keep you safe. However, when the sense of impending danger becomes overwhelming or persists for too long, it can interfere with your daily life. You may feel like your mind won’t allow you to rest, or you might experience intense spikes of fear when panic sets in over thoughts of something terrible that feels imminent.
Two Thoughts That Fuel Anxiety
There are two thoughts that fuel anxiety and keep perceived threats at the forefront of your mind. Discover what they are and how you can restructure them.
Read more about two thoughts that fuel anxiety.
What Triggers Anxiety?
Anxiety can be triggered by various factors such as stress, life transitions, trauma, or even health conditions. Understanding the root cause of your anxiety can help you manage it effectively.
Pressure
Environmental pressures can push you to your limits. Perhaps you juggle work demands that bleed into 8 PM emails or disconnects in your relationship. Keeping it together while being pushed in different directions can feel like carrying a tray of China dishes in a bounce house.
Past
Traumatic events or adverse childhood experiences take a toll on your nervous system. Unprocessed trauma can ripen into a sense of hypervigilance. Your system wants to protect you but keeps equipping you with a suit of armor for what may be more like a pillow fight.
Predisposition
Your genetic predisposition can heighten your sensitivity to stress. Those with a close relative with anxiety may have a higher risk of having to cope with anxiety themselves. Becoming anxious isn’t inevitable, but maintaining calm may sometimes feel like an uphill climb.
Platforms
Social platforms can offer images of carefully manicured lives and leave us feeling like inferior ragamuffins. Plus, negative news of global crises can foster a sense of helplessness. Our attempts to go social may negatively impact our inclination to lean into our sociability.
Anxiety and Relationships
Anxiety impacts us personally. And it also touches our most vital relationships. When we don’t feel secure—whether in ourselves or with our loved ones—we can fall into destructive push-pull patterns. Misunderstandings and tensions can lead to defensiveness, emotional distance, and communication breakdowns.
Insecurity in your relationship can fuel your anxiety. If this is true for you, addressing this dynamic could bring relief. As an emotionally focused therapist (EFT), I work with couples to rebuild trust and foster understanding. Instead of facing anxiety alone, couples can turn toward each other, strengthening their bond in the process.
Learn about EFT and the invisible force that drives us.
Growth happens when we focus on strengths, not weaknesses.
Anxiety: Acting Without Your Permission
It’s 3 a.m. and you hear a loud noise, jolting you awake. After a moment, you realize it’s just the smoke detector chirping for a new battery. You sigh, wondering why they don’t make alarms that chirp during sensible hours. But now, sleep is out of reach.
Without your consent, your nervous system bypassed your brain’s executive functioning and triggered a surge of adrenaline. Your heart raced, sending blood to your limbs in preparation to make a run for it or duke it out. And now that the perceived threat has passed, your body starts to calm down.
But what happens when the "alarm" isn’t as easily identified or fixed? It’s not a smoke detector or even a real fire—it’s a vague, persistent sense that something bad is going to happen. And no matter how hard you try to pinpoint the problem, you feel powerless to neutralize it. This is much more complicated than just replacing a battery.
Anxiety Symptoms
Anxiety can play havoc on your mind and body. Do you recognize any of these symptoms?
Feeling restless, keyed up, or on edge
Persistent fatigue, even after rest
Difficulty concentrating, with your mind feeling foggy or blank
Irritability, easily triggered
Muscle tension
Trouble falling or staying asleep
Extreme fear about a specific object or situation
Everyone’s experience of anxiety is different. If it’s affecting your relationships, work, or ability to enjoy life, it may be time to seek support.
Avoidance:
A Tempting (Temporary) Solution
When anxiety becomes painful, it’s only natural to want to avoid the source. Just as you’d steer clear of something that keeps shocking you, it’s understandable to shy away from what unnerves you. This can happen in two main ways:
Avoidance by Distance
You steer clear of anything that triggers anxiety. For example, “I fear tunnels, so I drive an extra 12 miles to avoid the one on my commute.”Avoidance by Control
You attempt to manage anxious feelings through exhaustive actions. “I fear getting sick, so I go to numerous doctors and run extensive tests to rule out illnesses.”
Reducing Anxiety
Next Steps
Anxiety can be a beast, sometimes looming larger than life. Maybe we can’t make it disappear completely, but let’s take steps to make it more manageable. Feeling even 10% better still means you are feeling better.
Calm in the Moment
Let’s take that anxiety level down a few percentage points by staying present in the moment. Some people call it mindfulness. To do this, you can start by focusing on a thought or the sensation in your body. Some people focus on their breathing or a calming thought. Others pray or think about parts of scripture. Find what works best for you. When you commit to experiencing calm in the moment, it helps train your brain not to let thoughts chase you in circles.
Uh-oh! You gave it a try, and your mind wandered so you criticized yourself. “I can’t stay focused for three minutes!” But before you go there, know that’s what is supposed to happen. Brains wander. That’s what they do. When your brain wanders and you gently bring it back without judgment, that helps build mental muscles that get stronger with practice. By kindly introducing interruptions to mental tangents while in a state of calm, you are creating a positive association that will empower you to interrupt more critical thoughts when life gets stressful.
Now You
Start by focusing on your breathing for three minutes first thing in the morning. It’s a technique called boxed breathing. Breathe in through your nose for four counts, hold for four, and breathe out through your mouth for four. Do this for three minutes. Stay focused on your breathing and when (not if) your mind wanders, gently bring it back.
Restructure Anxious Thoughts
Anxiety is like an illusion artist. Before you know it, what’s possible becomes probable and an annoyance can turn into a worst-case scenario. Before you let anxiety turn a table weight into the Statue of Liberty, get familiar with the two thoughts of anxiety and how you can restructure them.
Now You
When an anxious thought appears, ask yourself, “Is this thought accurate? What would a friend say to me about this thought?” Who knows? Maybe you’ll peek behind the smoke and mirrors and see the reality is less scary than what anxiety makes it up as.
Cheer Me Up as I Go-Go
Sorry for the nod to the 80’s song by Wham! But if it encourages you, I don’t mind looking silly. Seriously though, when it comes to taking anxiety down another notch, it’s hard to beat getting your body moving. Going on a walk, or engaging in a favorite activity, such as yoga can boost your mood and release delicious endorphins.
Now You
Try to move for 30 minutes each day. Strapped for time? Take a short walk to get some fresh air to clear your head.
Switch to Unleaded
Anxiety and caffeine can be like young siblings in the back seat. Bring them together and before you know it, they’ll start bickering. That extra cup of coffee can make you feel jittery, which feeds your anxiety.
Now You
Opt for water or tea instead of energy drinks. If you can’t give up coffee (I can’t either!) try mixing caffeinated with decaf coffee.
No Devices in Bed = More Sleep
As your exhaustion grows, so does your anxiety. Unfortunately, many of us bring our devices to bed and swap well-rested lives for screen-lit lives. If you need motivation, think of the CEO of NetFlix once said. No other company could compete with them. “We’re competing with sleep.”
Now You
Try putting your device to bed before you go to bed. Facebook will be okay without your face-time. You get extra points for spending 20 minutes making your bedroom a calm environment to make falling asleep easier.
Connect to a Friend
Perhaps the most powerful reducer of anxiety I know of is building into secure relationships. Perhaps that’s a family member or a friend. Being with someone you trust can provide huge relief. Plus you can gain perspective and get things off your chest.
Now You
I know it can be hard, but this one requires you to send a text to initiate a get-together. If you’re stuck, try this. “I thought of you and it’s been too long! Let’s get together for chai tea. Do you have time next week?” If they don’t respond right away, that’s okay. You still get points for initiating.
Which one of these interventions do you resonate with? Try one and see how it goes.
Finding Relief from Anxiety
Anxiety can feel overwhelming, but it's important to remember that it doesn't have to control your life. With the right strategies and support, you can build new muscles to manage anxious thoughts and reduce their impact on your daily experience. As a warning, it does take regular work. You don’t garden only once or fill your car with fuel and forget about it. It takes attentiveness, but there are ways to regain your sense of calm.
